Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

I have just been having a look at Dr Stephen R Covey's book - The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People (again) and in particular the above section, which I thought was worth sharing with you.

• Win/Win - and I quote - "Is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interaction. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying."
• Win/Lose - "In leadership style, Win/Lose is the authoritarian approach: " I get my way, you don't get yours." Win/Lose people tend to use their position, power, credentitals or personality to get their way.
• Lose/Win - "Maybe worse than Win/Lose because it has no standards, no demands or expectations or vision." Lose/Win is usually used by people who are eager to please or appease. They seek strength from popularity or acceptance (probably Lose/Win will be evidenced more in Amiables and possibly Expressives rather than Drivers and Analyticals - see previous postings). Lose/Win people bury a lot of feelings, and unexpressed feelings never die. They may manifest themselves later in ugly ways. People who are constantly repressing, rather than transcending feelings towards a higher meaning find that it affects the quality of their self esteem and subsequently the quality of their relationships with others."
• Lose/Lose - "When two Win/Lose people interact, the usual result will be Lose/Lose Both will lose." Dr Covey quotes an example of a particualrly acrimonious divorce case where the husband was directed to sell his assets and turn over 50% of the proceeds to his ex-wife. So he sold his $10,000 car for $50 and gave $25 to his wife! When his ex-wife protested the judge discovered that he was doing the same with all his other assets!
• Win - People with the Win mentality don't necessarily want others to lose, they just want their own way and will leave it up to others to get theirs.

Which of these five is best? Well it does rather depend doesn't it?

You can't play a football match with a Win/Win mentality can you?

Often companies have incentives and prizes which means someone wins and someone loses.

If you value a relationship and the issue is not that important you may go for Lose/Win in some circumstances to genuinely affirm the other person.

Sometimes you would just want to Win. If, for example, there was a natural disater and your child's life was in danger, you would be concerned about the other people who may be at risk, but saving your child would be your sole aim.

"The best choice." says Covey "depends on reality. "The challenge is to read that reality correctly and not to translate Win/Lose or other scripting into every situation."

"Most situations are part of an interdependent reality and then Win/Win is really the only viable alternative of the five."

The sixth option is:

• Win/Win or No Deal - "which basically means that if we cannot find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree, agreeably."

Extract from The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People by Dr Stephen R Covey